Lost in Translation

Love, Culture, and the Invisible Baggage We Carry Across Borders

You arrive in Barcelona, Lisbon, Berlin or Bali. Maybe you came to explore, maybe to heal, or maybe to finally live the life that your inner voice kept whispering about. You find sunlight, community dinners, co-working spaces, and people from every continent. It feels like a dream - until it doesn’t anymore. You feel lost in translation.

One day, you meet someone. Sparks fly. The connection feels real, fresh, and promising. But soon, subtle frictions appear: a message left on “seen” in a messenger without reply, a kiss that feels rushed, a goodbye that doesn’t come with clarity. You wonder:

Did I do something wrong?

Did I misread this?

Why does this feel so confusing - and why does it hurt?

In our modern world shaped by migration, war, digital nomadism, and spiritual seeking, more and more of us find ourselves building relationships outside the context we were raised in. The people we meet didn’t go to the same schools, weren’t taught the same rules about love, loyalty, or space. And underneath it all, many of us carry invisible baggage: emotional wounds, attachment patterns, and cultural narratives that don’t always travel well.

When you live in culturally diverse places like Bali, Berlin, or Lisbon, you quickly realize: love isn’t a universal language. At least not in the way we think.

What feels like “care” to one person might feel like “pressure” to another. What looks like “freedom” to you might feel like “rejection” to someone raised to equate love with constant presence. Words like “relationship,” “dating,” or “commitment” mean very different things depending on where you’re from, what you’ve lived through, and how safe you feel - within yourself and with others.

Sometimes, the differences are practical: how we use time, express interest, or expect messages to be answered. In some cultures, directness is valued. In others, subtlety and pacing are part of the dance. A person from a Western European country might expect quick responses and clear boundaries. Someone from a collectivist background might feel the need for shared rhythm, even if it means being less direct.

These aren’t just habits - they’re shaped by histories, family systems, even trauma.

And then there’s the emotional layer. Many of us are trying to build closeness while still learning what closeness means. We come from families where feelings were suppressed or only allowed in specific ways. Others among us have been through war, displacement, or the rupture of leaving home - voluntarily or not.

We long for connection, but also fear it.

We avoid rejection, but also fear being seen.

If you’ve ever found yourself pulling away from something that feels good, or over-attaching to something unclear, you’re not alone. You’re human. And if you’ve been on the receiving end of that confusion, you’re also not alone. These patterns are deeply human - and deeply cross-cultural.

So what can help us navigate love and connection across cultures?

Not perfection.

Not rules.

But curiosity.

Slowness.

Space for honest conversations.

And shared emotional work.

A powerful first step is to cultivate embodied, non-verbal ways of relating. Attending a Contact Improvisation jam in Berlin, dancing barefoot with strangers at Ecstatic Dance on Madeira, or joining a breathwork circle in Bali can teach us more about trust, boundaries, and connection than any online dating profile ever could. These spaces often bypass cultural scripting and help us access a deeper, more intuitive language.

Another bridge is learning the local language - not just via apps or passive listening, but in interactive, offline language exchanges where humor, body language, and shared vulnerability are part of the process. It’s not about perfect grammar - it’s about building the muscle of presence and willingness.

Most importantly, though, is the inner work.

Tending to the emotional undercurrents that shape how we show up. This is where Emotions Work and Self-Encounter processes come in. In my own practice, including the Feeling Spaces, Eye Contact events and guided Self-Encounter sessions, we explore how early imprints, attachment wounds, and nervous system patterns shape our reactions, our defenses, and our ability to feel safe with others. When we give space to our inner world, it becomes easier to stay open in connection - without losing ourselves or blaming the other.

Here are some gentle practices you can try wherever you are:

• Before a date or meeting, take a moment to check in: What am I expecting from this? What story am I telling?

• Notice your body’s reactions. Does your chest tighten when someone takes time to reply? Do you feel relieved or anxious when someone wants closeness?

• Ask instead of assuming. “How does this look for you?” or “What does ‘being interested’ mean to you?” can open surprising and relieving conversations.

• Seek spaces that welcome emotional honesty. Whether through group processes, therapeutic work, or relational workshops - places that normalize vulnerability help us all heal.

Ultimately, living and loving across cultures is not a problem to fix - it’s a deep invitation to grow. It asks us to stretch our hearts beyond binaries, to hold multiple truths at once, and to remember that misunderstanding doesn’t mean incompatibility.

It simply means: there’s more to discover.

So whether you’re falling in love in a Lisbon café, dancing under the stars in Bali, or sitting in stillness on a Berlin rooftop:

Let the complexity in.

Let the questions in.

Let the emotional messiness in.

Because perhaps this is the new language of love:

Less about certainty, more about listening.

Less about fitting in, more about being with.

And maybe, just maybe, the home we’ve been looking for in another person - or another country - is also the one we have to learn to create inside ourselves first.

If you need any coaching advise or emotional (trauma release) support from me, feel free to reach out to me in person as this is my profession. And I am going through this same process myself so I deeply feel you and your challenges.

The next open self-encounter to get in touch with yourself again and re-establish a better relationship with yourself takes place on Sunday June 29th at 6:30 pm WEST. Your very first time in a resonance role is always free (only online). Your own inner constellation is usually between 100€ and 250€ depending on the setting.